i am so hungry.
Just received some news that has amplified my most recent thoughts about how much i miss my dad. Lately he is all i am thinking or dreaming about and it hasn’t been like this in a long time. Makes the days harder but it’s comforting to know that neither my love for him nor my memory are failing because it hurts every bit as bad today as it did almost 7 years ago.
My college application essay asked to write about someone who influenced my life and this is what i wrote at 17.
His name was Blane Edward White, and he is my reason for wanting more out
of life..
I can’t remember the day he first walked into my life, but I would bet the
world on it that he remembers the day I crawled into his. Born seventeen years
ago on July eleventh, I made my father’s dream of having a child named after
him come true. My birth certificate reads Kaimbri Blayne White, and I will
always be proud of that.
When I was younger, my dad and I would always look at the stars together. He
always said that stars were the closest things to being invincible because even
after they died, their light burned on for lifetimes. Born a bit stubborn, my
six-year-old self preferred to think that my “superman” was the closest thing to
being invincible. When I was seven my dad started working the night shift at
his job and he bought me a telescope so that I wouldn’t have to give up our
hobby. Coming home to me asleep by the window with my telescope was a
familiar sight for my dad each morning. He would always pick me up and carry
me to my bed,and his beard would tickle my face when he would give me a kiss
on the cheek. What I wouldn’t give to be six years old again…
All I can remember was a phone call saying there had been an accident and my
mom crying like I had never seen anyone cry before. It had happened at his
worksite. Someone had forgotten to empty out the last soup cooker,and when
my dad opened it, he was engulfed in a wave of boiling liquid. He had third
degree burns on over seventy five percent of his body. I just remember him
looking like a mummy and I couldn’t hug him for what seemed like an eternity.
When I went to see him in the hospital I remember I started crying and my mom
told me it would be ok because my daddy was a fighter.
Months of physical therapy returned my superman to me, and we continued
watching the stars to our hearts content. Those nights were some of the very
best a person could ask for. If there is one thing I have learned in life it’s that
sometimes bad things just happen to good people. A year after my dad had his
accident he was checked into the hospital for pneumonia. They did an X-ray to
check his spleen and they found a tumor.Hotchkins disease normally affects
children and the elderly. My dad was diagnosed when he was 39 years old, but
he always said he was an odd-ball. The doctors think the trauma from his
accident was the cause of his cancer. I was so young I didn’t understand why
people thought my dad wouldn’t get better. He was just sick and to a child, sick
people take medicine and rest and they recover. My mom was my rock during
those times. She just kept telling me that everything would be ok because my
daddy was a fighter. I think sometimes people get the idea that if they repeat
stuff out loud enough times, maybe they will believe it is true themselves. I know
now my mom was scared, and I admire how strong she acted for us.Things got
bad quick, and it broke my heart to see the person I thought was invincible grow
so weak he could barely walk some days. Eventually he was hospitalized and
had nurses in white at his bedside around the clock. We spent a lot of our time
in the hospital room with him just trying to cherish all the little things we had left.
My mom thought it was better for us not to be there when he passed,so when
she knew it was about to happen she had someone take us out for ice cream.
When she got home that night she told us what had happened, and she said she
just wanted us to remember that he loved us and that our daddy was a fighter.
My dad was the kind of person that just touched everyone he came into contact
with. There was just something about him, something special that the world
could not deny. He taught me that beautiful things never last, but also that we
should never fear the end. We should feel grateful for getting to hold on to
the beautiful things for as long as we do. My dad will always be invincible in my
eyes because even though he’s gone, every time I gaze up at the heavens through
my telescope, our telescope… I see his light shining down on me.
in loving memory of blane edward white.
(via etiquetteforalady)
I’ve decided that i want to date the whole spectrum of men before i settle down with someone.
I want to date someone who is musically inclined.. and can sing to me.. and is artsy and has lots of tattoos.
I want to date someone really put together. Wears their hair perfect and sexy all black suits and is a business man.
I want to date a man who can cook.. not just sort of cook but someone who can REALLY cook. especially italian food ;)
I want to date someone with an accent different than mine. No preference really, just something different than a Texas accent.
thats all for now.
(via windowsdownmusicup)
this is how i feel today.
“bring me flowers.. talk for hours. & ooh i like you. & ooh i like how you make me feel.”
up close and personal. i miss my camera.
